Shit I can't get away with saying.

Humans "made" fire, and then they invented beer, pizza, and vocabulary.  The vocabulary is certainly the most important of these three life-changing innovations, as it is incorporated into our lives each day.  Also, it's free.  We can also agree that there are words that you do NOT ever fucking say.  Not even if there's a fire.  I'm usually not one to constrain my vocab, everyone who knows me knows that.  But there is one word that I will positively not use in its most powerful context.  I used to drop it a lot, and I'll say it around my friends now but not when anyone who might be offended is near.

Cunt.

At least three chicks just shook their head in disgust.  The big C used to be a nautical term for a type of rope splice, or a sort of rope joint, called a cunt splice.  I don't know shit about boats and all that seaman stuff, but there were actually a few uses of the word cunt back in the day, mostly adjectives meaning "really fucking small".. a "cunthair" used to make complete sense to sailors. 

Whatever.  Imagine getting into an argument with your girlfriend/wife/significant other, and she is just absolutely verbally laying into you.  You're panicking because you are at fault here for whatever reason, you've admitted it, you want it to stop but she just won't shut the fuck up.  You're grasping at straws, trying your hardest to keep a lid on it and defend yourself.  You are about to royally fuck up.

"Shut up, you cunt."

You just royally fucked up.  If you wanted her to be quiet, then you just earned yourself about eight seconds of the deadest silence the world has ever known.  The ghosts of Hiroshima are scared as fuck for you right now.  Whomever you just said that to, well, their eyes are starting to dilate, their pores are opening up, their heart rate is skyrocketing and you sit back in your shell of a human self, silently whimpering, "Oh shit."  All of this because of a little four letter word and the fact that you have lost the most basic control over your brain.

Now I'm not a very brave person, but I'm not afraid of words because they're just... words.  I AM, however, afraid of a scorned woman.  Cunt, in its most basic, offensive form, is a part of lady anatomy.  If you are ever around a chick acting like a cunt, refrain from using that little death sentence and try something else from now on.  In my experience with women acting like cunts, calling them an asshole is the best way to remain offensive without crossing into the valley of death; it's not sexist but can still chap their buns a little, especially when adding a few colorful adjectives in before it. 




Fucking cunt.

 So all I'm really tryin to say... suck it up ladies.  Stop being so touchy.  I'm not gonna go around spewing obsceneties at you because, well, you're people too. You're beautiful and God loves you.  I love you.  But get over it.


Forever losing female readers,

JoeyG