Povich 4 Prez

In the spirit of Dress Up Like a Slut weekend, lets talk about other shit that I love!

I don't think I've ever met a person who didn't like Maury, and wasn't a complete and total douchebag.  There's a sort of mystical allure that's present when you watch the dregs of society take some of the most embarrassing social issues that a person can find themselves in, and go on a TV show that thousands of people watch each day.  I must also credit Jerry Springer and Steve Wilkos for having pretty entertaining shows in time slots that would be suicidal for most series's, but Springer brings a little too much deliberate humor in with his guests, and Wilkos is more often than not, depressing as fuck and a little unprofessional.  Maury, however, has gotten me through more meaningless afternoons than I can even come close to putting a number on.  Let's run through this a little bit...   
 

If I ever have relationship problems, or any issues regarding a relationship I'm involved with, I may run it by my friends if it's not so serious.  This would be general subject matter: denial of anal, hygiene problems, shitty relatives, etc.  Very few people are privy to my ACTUAL problems, relationship ending fights and such. I get a little uneasy with the term "Facebook Official", because it's just a giant broadcast of your own stupid business that people you don't really give a shit about get to see.  But you have something so embarrassing that Facebook hasn't even made it an official status yet? Good news, you can bypass Facebook Official, and go straight to fucking MAURY OFFICIAL.  

Oh, your daughter is 14 years old and already gets laid more than me?  Go on fucking Maury. Confident that your genes are superior and only capable of creating a perfectly healthy baby boy?  Prove it on Maury, you fuck.  You aren't 100% sure which burnout you had sex with 9 months ago?  I fucking have a blog for that specific purpose!  But go on Maury and your fucking life sorted out... and then kill the fucking kid.  It's not fair that it has to be stuck with you (as if former Maury guests are reading this).

On the realest real note though, it has been my dream for a while to go up to Connecticut and see that glorious man in person.  Can you possibly imagine people actually dispute their basic responsibilities as maternal/paternal figures, while you watch?  You think you can?  How about if one of them is a fucking black albino man?  Yep, black albinos get more pussy than me.

Does he have down syndrome too?  Unreal.

I really, really love my entire family to death, but it would just be so fucking super if Maury Povich was an uncle or grandfather of mine.  Holy fuck, Christmas would be fantastic.  I could even hook up with the underage sluts on his show too!  That's a world I want to live in.  Underage sluts for everyone.  Happy Halloween you sows.


 


Seeking bromance,



JoeyG