Who else remembers when Jager and Miller Lite made for an awesome party? Throw on ...Is A Real Boy or whatever goofy ass shit you listened to back then, keep the partying at a minimum roar, just loud enough so that whoever's mom wouldn't come and yell at us. You had your tight crew of misfits and were supremely bummed when one of them couldn't make it to the weekly jamboree at your mom's house. You were having so much fun.
Fast forward six years. You are supremely pissed if the only shit you have to drink is Miller and Jager. Whatever music you want to listen while you binge is determined by the amount of functional alcoholics gathering. If it's only you and a few of your chums turning a video game into a hangover producer, then you can listen to whatever the fuck you want. Having a "rager", with dozens of people present? Get ready for the most monotonous and obnoxious mix of shitty pop remixes and bad rap songs the Billboard 100 could spew forth. Let's assume you have to hunt for a party and end up at some lair of frat douches, you are now stuck with Dave Matthew's Band and Mac Miller for the rest of the night. That sense of camaraderie with the other party goers that you had before, that's replaced with total disgust and loathing for the gaudy alcoholics who the house owners like a lot more than you. Parties are no longer fun, bars are too expensive, drinking becomes a guilt trip.
Working wasn't that bad either. Walking into the pizza hole, fresh face and ready to playfully flirt with your teenage coworkers while eventually doing the least amount of work possible that would please your cool boss! If you had a sterling sense of humor, not unlike myself, everyone loved you because you made a disgusting work hell a little bit more bearable. Cute as fuck, and you lived without even realizing that you could be fired. I kind of enjoyed work.
Now I'm 21, and work fucking blows. The chicks who I flirted with at work when I was a teenager are now getting pounded by jacked, genetically superior, athlete scumbags, and for some reason it's frowned upon for me to hit on the 16 year old chick at work. That sterling sense of humor has been weathered down to a cynical, biting wit that people only find humorous because you are completely fucking serious. That cool boss you had when you were younger? Yeah, they suck now. They're still managing a pizza place and living with the shitty decisions they made in high school that didn't really open up career options for themselves. So now these miserable managers start taking advantage of the employer-employee relationship and give you shit everytime you go to work, just because they can.
Relationships. Ahhh relationships. I remember being in love for the first time and how it probably feels similar to doing heroin for the first time. You know that life doesn't get any better than holding hands and looking into that beautiful piece of jailbait's eyes while knowing that you cannot live without this person in your life. You tossed around the word "love" like it's a comma and thought your friends were heartless when they scoffed at you professing your allegiance to this significant other. Love fucking ruled!
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| Barf. |
Being a teenager ruled. Sure, I was really awkward and went through confusing stages in life, but I didn't have to worry about shit like health care or rent(mooching is a guilt trip though), and for most of my teen years my criminal record was written on a board with a dry erase marker until I was 18... and I failed to take advantage of it, no stolen cop cars for me. I could go on for hours about how much growing up blows, but I guess I'm just upset that I'm an adult now and have responsibilities that must be tended to. I'm turning into a grumpy old dick, and I've only just been allowed by the legal system to buy alcohol. Fucking save me.
Happy as ever,
JoeyG
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